my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize