R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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