Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This is classic penis vs brain.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
