Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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