My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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