Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
