I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
high people should be assigned attendants
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
