The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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