I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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