ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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