He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
