You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
