I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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