This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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