Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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