He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
