You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We are all done wearing pants today
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
