Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
