I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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