So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
