I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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