yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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