I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
