how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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