2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
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