i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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