my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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