Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
