Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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