I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
