In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Randomize
