it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I could have mohawked her pubes.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
