His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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