Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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