there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize