R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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