she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
