he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
