my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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