you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
