he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
