everyone is single if you try hard enough
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize