how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
