Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
