He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
