Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
