im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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