we're blogging at a bar
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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