A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize