My cat gives me a boner
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize