if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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