you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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