I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
NoShamevember. You game?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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