I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
