we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
