apparently the secret to your success is patron
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
