I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
