Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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