remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
