On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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