Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
