____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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