It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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