is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
